she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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