Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
