In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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