I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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