How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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