I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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