I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
