Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
