i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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