isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize
