He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
