Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
