great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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