TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
