I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
