I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
it's like heaven, but drunker
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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