he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
