Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
