also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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