Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
