If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
