Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
