if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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