Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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