I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
