White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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