On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She announced her abortion via fbk
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
