Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
