someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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