guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
