I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
