I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
