I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
