you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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