I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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