You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
