ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize