I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
my poor anus
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
