party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
