Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Randomize
