ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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