I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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