so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
