Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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