That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Vodka?
Forever.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
