i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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