my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
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