awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
