Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
