We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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