his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
