Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize