You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize