I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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