We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
