Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
