Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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