Buhtt sex?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
