I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
