i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
