She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
