Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
