Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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