Pappa wants mamma naked
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize